Clarity
by shelizabeth
Summary: Haley, with a new little life to worry about, finally has the courage to leave her abusive boyfriend. She buys a one-way ticket to anywhere, never expecting to meet someone who just might be able to change everything she thought she knew.
1. Chapter 1

_Haley_

I don't know anything about love. I wish I knew how it worked, but I don't. All I've ever know is discontent, disappointment and hate. I've known what it's like to hate someone so much that with every fiber of your being you wish to hurt them. I've heard that in order to hate someone, you've had to have loved them first. I believed that at first, but more and more each day, I'm finding it to be false.

My favorite love story is of Orpheus and Eurydice. The story goes that these two love birds were happily married, but Eurydice started getting pursued by some douchebag Aristaeus. So Eurydice is trying to escape this jerk while he's actively chasing her, and she gets bit by snakes and dies. So Orpheus, poor guy, is so distraught that he sings and weeps for all the gods to hear. He softens the heart of Hades, leader of the underworld, and he apparently is the only to have ever done that. So he gets back his one true love under one condition. They get to leave the underworld but on their way up, they can't look back. Orpheus, the big idiot, is so in love with his woman, he looks back before Eurydice gets to the upper world and loses her again. But this time was forever. I don't tell this story often because people don't usually understand why it's my favorite. I think in every good love story, there's a tragedy. In this one though, they don't end up together. There is no perfect ending. It's my favorite because there is no way to twist this story into some beautiful ending where they have eternity together in some afterlife state. This story depicts the tragedy that comes with taking down your wall and letting someone in.

I pack my bags urgently, as if I have somewhere to be. Truthfully, I don't even have a flight booked. I'm just packing and heading to the airport with my savings and the knowledge that I need a new beginning. Stefano never came home tonight, which I was kinda counting on. He usually leaves Friday morning for work and comes back sometime Saturday afternoon. He showers and eats and leaves for the night until Sunday afternoon. Most of the time, he doesn't even notice my presence. I know he's out with girls, it used to bother me. But things like that don't bother me anymore. He would never let me leave though. He doesn't let me do anything. I know for a fact he would notice my absence.

I think about his reaction to coming home with a cleared house tomorrow. I wonder if he'll call the police, assuming someone broke in and is holding me for ransom. Maybe he'll get in the car and come looking for me, thinking he can catch me. Hopefully I'll be out of New Jersey by then.

I stuff all my hair in a baseball hat and put sunglasses on to go with my oversized clothing. Really, I don't think anyone would notice me walking down the street. But Stefano, feeling desperate, might go to the neighbors and ask if they saw a curly blonde haired girl. I don't want any of them to be able to recall one walking down to the bus stop with suitcases in her hands.

When I get to the bus, I head to the back out of instinct. I tend to avoid conversations with people when possible. Small talk has never really been my thing. I stare out the window and start to doubt myself. Maybe I should go back. What if Stefano finds me and kills me? What if someone recognizes me? What will my family think of me? How am I going to make it on my own? I won't. Maybe I should go back… maybe I should just forget it…

"Hi." I am startled by the sound of a little girl's high pitched voice.

"Um. Hi." I say, looking around for some type of parent nearby.

"What's your name?"

"Um. Haley. Yours?"

"Mia."

"Hi Mia."

"How old are you?"

"Um, I'm twenty two. How old are you, Mia?"

"Ten. I'm on the bus by myself. I just left my dad. I'm going back to my mom's house. I have to ride the bus alone because my parents don't talk to each other."

"I'm sorry about that…. But hey. You seem like a pretty smart ten year old!" I try to force enough enthusiasm to hide away any pity.

"It's okay. I don't mind. I like it because I can make as many friends as I want without my parents telling me not to talk to strangers. Hey, you're pretty."

"Aw thanks. So are you." I say, flustered.

"Well this is my stop. Thanks for being my friend Haley."

"Aw, you're welcome. Good luck with everything." I tell her as she starts to walk off.

As I watch Mia go, I know. I am doing the right thing. I am doing what I need to do for our future. I step off the bus with confidence when I head to the airport. I scan the flights. I'm unsure if I should be looking for the cheapest, the soonest, or the flight that takes me the furthest away from here. I see a flight for Texas leaving in an hour and a flight to California leaving in a little under two hours. I play eenie meenie minie mo on the flight boards and land on Texas. I suddenly realize I was disappointed with this result and was hoping more than I realized that I would land on California. I discreetly move my finger to be pointing towards the CA flight, almost like if I could do it with no one else seeing then it wouldn't count. I smile at my decision as I get in a line to purchase a ticket to the rest of my life.

As we board the plane, I head to my coach seat. It's hard to get comfortable, but I manage with the small space I have. I'm sitting next to a woman about middle aged that I quickly notice has a husband and two small kids in the seats directly in front of us. Next to the window is an elderly man, seemingly traveling alone just as I. As we settle in, the woman looks to me.

"How far along are you?"

"Almost eight months," I answer.

"And traveling?" She questions.

"It was an emergency situation. My mother lives in California and got in a serious accident. They don't know if she's going to make it. I had to come say my goodbyes." I quickly lie.

"Oh, god, I'm so sorry," her gaze softens at me. "You'll be okay in there won't you?" Her baby voice directs itself to my stomach. I laugh, hoping to cover my nervousness.

"I sure hope so."


	2. Chapter 2

"Roger! Sit DOWN!" The unnamed middle aged woman next to me exclaims to her young son.

"Kids really are a blessing," she insists to me, "maybe in disguise."

"Yeah I bet." I nervously try to keep up my end of the conversation, unsure of what to say.

"This your first?"

"Um, yeah, she's my first." I look down to my stomach. I can't help a small smile.

"So your husband must be anxious. With you traveling all alone this far along! He must be home going crazy!" The way she says this is almost like a test. As if she is waiting to see if I will tell her I don't have a husband.

"Yeah, that's for sure. I'm sure her father is going CRAZY right now." I say truthfully.

"Do you have a name?"

"Not yet. I was planning to-"

"ROGER. I said SIT DOWN. Do you want a cookie when we get off or not?" The little boy at first ignores his mother, but then decides to sit down. "Sorry, what?"

"Oh, nothing. I was just saying how I was going to wait for her to be born. See what she looks like."

"Oh, that's an interesting idea," she says disapprovingly. "I like to have everything planned out perfectly. My kids, my parties, my future. Everything down to a T. That's why this one over here drives me crazy. He's got ADHD. I'm putting him on medicine soon though. I can't stand it anymore." She says, briefly glancing at Roger. I respond with "ohhhh" and "I see" until she tells me she's tired and is going to try and get some sleep. I tell her it's fine and try not to let on how happy I am to be able to relax.

As I'm getting off the plane, I see I have 67 missed calls from Stefano and 3 from my parents. My heart ties itself in knots when I realize I've lost my time, my momentum. Stefano has figured it out. A part of me hoped he wouldn't notice until the weekend was fully over, even though I knew it wouldn't happen like that. I dial my mom's phone number.

"Hello?" She's been crying.

"Mom? Dad? Are you okay? What's going on?" I immediately worry.

"You left him." My dad takes the phone.

"Y-yes. I did. Why- how did you know?" My voice is shaking as my brain scans the possibilities.

"While your mother and I were asleep, he came to look for you. We heard shouting so we woke up. He said he knew you were in there and to come out before he has to hurt us. We opened the window and told him you weren't here and we didn't know anything about where you were. He thought we were lying and right in front of us, he set our house on fire. We got out in time… but the house. The house is gone." I can hear my mom sobbing as my dad finishes the story.

"Mom, Dad, I am so sorry," my voice breaks. "I am so sorry. I thought I was keeping you guys safe." I grasp for air to stop the tears from enveloping my throat. "I thought by not telling you anything, he would leave you alone. I'm so sorry. This is my entire fault. I ruined your lives. I'm so sorry," I hiccup the last sorry into the phone.

"No, sweetie, it's okay. You are keeping our baby girl safe and that's all that matters to us. We'll find a nice condo to live in. That's what we always talked about anyway. Listen to me," my dad says rationally. "Listen to what I'm telling you. Destroy this phone right now. I don't want him looking up any records. Get one of those cheap pay as you go phones and call us as soon as you can. We love you."

"I love you guys so much." I thought I stopped crying, but when I start talking, my voice breaks again.

"Bye sweetie. Remember destroy this phone as soon as you hang up."

"I will. I love you daddy." I hang up the phone and immediately looking for how I can destroy it. I could always stomp on it, but I don't want to cause a scene and have to explain myself. I start walking around the airport, looking for some corner or place I won't get noticed. I find a side door, and decide to take my chances. It's not labeled as an emergency door or anything. I open the door and sunlight immediately warms my face. It's a beautiful day here in sunny California. I look around to see where I am. It seems to be just a fenced in square with junk in it. No one's around. I decide I probably won't find a better spot then here, so I take out my phone. I kiss my iPhone a quick goodbye, then raise my arm as high as I can and throw my phone as hard as I can to the ground. I watch the screen shatter. I slowly reach to pick it up. The screen is shattered to no return but you can see through the tiny cracks, my lock screen. This thing still isn't broken. I throw it at the fence as hard as I can. I watch it splinter to the ground. I pick it up and throw it repeatedly at the ground over and over. Suddenly there is anger inside me that I didn't even know I felt. I think about how I should not have to do this. How any normal girl this far along in pregnancy, would be on basically bed rest, getting taken care of hand and foot. And here I am, running across the country and smashing things in order to be safe. Getting calls about how my parents got their house burnt down. No one should be under this much stress. Then, I take a good look at my phone.

"This is the last time you're going to hurt me," I realize I sound crazy talking to a phone. "This is the last time you're going to upset me. This is the last time you're going to take anything from me that doesn't belong to you. And my happiness and my health does not, and will never again, belong to you." I throw my phone so hard it breaks right in the middle. It's almost in two pieces, hanging on by maybe a wire or two.

I throw my phone one more time for kicks, and then I stomp on it. When I am sure this phone is dead and gone, I pick it up to go back in the airport to find the nearest trash. I open the door and look around before I come back in. I'm walking quickly, staring at my phone, when I walk right into someone.

"Sorry, I didn't see you there." I try to explain quickly, embarrassed. When I don't get a reply right away, I look up. It's a guy, about a couple inches taller than me. With flip flops on though, I'm pretty short. He has short brown hair with just enough red in it. He's got a beard too, trimmed nicely. He's wearing a Beatles shirt, and that's how I know I like him.

"Do you come here to destroy the crap out of phones often?" He asks me, his eyes pointing to the phone.

"No, um, no. It was a special occasion."

"Ah, got it. Well I'll see you around."

"Maybe." I answer, not knowing how long I'll be able to stay in one place. I see that he seems to understand.

"Well if not, it was nice meeting you. I'm Casey."

"Haley." I answer the question he didn't ask.

"Well, good luck Haley." I watch him go, suddenly upset that I most likely can't stay in California for long. I'll probably never get to see him again.


	3. Chapter 3

I get a taxi from the airport and ask them to bring me to the nearest hotel. The taxi driver tries to make small talk about why I'm here. I decide to stick with the same story about my sick mom. He offers to bring me to the hospital, free of charge. I tell him it's very sweet but I'll be okay and that my sister is coming to pick me up.

When I get there, I ask about package deals. I realize I'm eight months pregnant and then I'm going to have a newborn baby with me. I can't live in a hotel. I can't travel more. I can't get a job eight months pregnant. I don't have enough money to survive on. When I get to my room, I start to sob. Maybe I should look into adoption. I'm sure there are gay couples or something here that want a baby. I just want her to have a good life. I fucked up my life because I never required more from a guy than hate and abuse. How is it fair for me to do the same thing to her? I have no plan. Suddenly, I remember the pay as you go phone I promised my dad I would get. I decide to try walking and see if I can find anywhere, that way I save the public transportation money. I start to feel like I'm just wandering when I find a small pharmacy. I go in and get a phone and 100 minutes. I'm again looking at my phone, when I hear a familiar voice.

"Hey! Nice to see you again, Haley." I hear Casey's voice.

"Casey? You work here?"

"I do. I see the repercussions of a phone smashing." He says, ringing up my pay as you go phone.

"I guess so." I crack a smile.

"I know this is personal, but can I ask you something?"

"Sure, why not?"

"Are you traveling alone?" When he asks me this, I automatically think of my story about my mom and my family here. But I look at his face, and I feel something weird that I don't think I've ever felt before.

"I am. It's a long story." I sigh out my answer, hoping I already got all my tears out in my hotel room. He nods his head.

"Well here. If you need anything, you should call me. No one should be taking all of this on by their self." He hands me a small card with his name and a number on it.

"Thank you." I feel my voice shake a little, touched by the kindness of this perfect stranger.

And against my best intentions, I start to settle in California. I found a job for one of the nicest women I have ever met working at a daycare. After maternity leave, I can bring my baby back to work with me and she'll be enrolled in the daycare free of charge. I'm starting to save up some money. It's not a lot, but with no money to spare, it's enough to get by on. I've gotten a lot of advice from the moms at daycare, which really has been helpful to me. The story now is that I married the love of my life when I was 19 and he got in a car accident eight months ago. The house we lived in was too painful so I decided to get a new start. I sold the little we had and came here with nothing. All the moms think I'm some type of hero. If only they knew. They even threw me a baby shower. I look around my hotel room to the crib, the changing table, the swing, the stroller, and they were all gifts from the moms at the daycare. I can't help but think how I never would have expected this to happen three weeks ago, that first afternoon in the hotel. It seemed so permanent. I guess that's the beauty of life. We tend to overestimate the duration of our emotions and underestimate the ability we have to adapt. I guess the beauty is that life is constantly changing.

I'm folding cute little pink onesies, when something happens. I feel myself at freeze immediately, like my body knows to stop me from panicking before I have time to think about it. I look down to see water all around me. I've read almost anything I can get my hands on since I got here. So I know this means the baby is coming within 48 hours. I try to make myself think about my next move but all I can think about is my feeling of getting stabbed in the stomach over and over. I think about calling all the moms I work with, but decide it's too personal for me to ask them to be there and then work with them. I think about calling my parents, but it will just worry them. I really don't want to pay an ambulance. My stomach pain is progressively getting worse. I go to nightstand by my bad and fish hopelessly for the card.

"Hello?"

"Hi. Is this Casey?"

"Yes. Who is calling?"

"Hi Casey. It's Haley. You watched me smash my phone," I stop because I'm out of breath. "Listen. It's an emergency. Are you busy?"

"Um. No not really. What's wrong?"

"I need a ride to the hospital. I," I pause again. "I'm having a baby."

"Just stay where you are. I'll be right there." His tone is urgent, with forced calmness trying to disguise it. As soon as I hang up the phone, I grab the bag I've had packed just in case and start my trek down to the lobby. I'm wobbling, holding the bag on my shoulders. With one hand I hold my stomach and with the other I'm using it to balance myself, placing it on the wall. By the time I get to the lobby, I see Casey getting out of a car out front. Did he drive really fast or did it take me longer than I thought to get to an elevator?

"I told you wait where you were! You walked down here by yourself?" He says taking the bag from me and putting his hand on the small of my back.

"I'm not challenged."

"No, you're just in the middle of having a baby."

He helps me into his car and drives quickly to the hospital. I try to stay quiet so I don't alarm him, but every once in a while I yelp out in pain.

"Are you okay?" He asks, looking back at me.

"I'm fine. Eyes on the road!" I yell at him.

"Right."

At the hospital, I thank him for taking me and give him a hug. I tell me he's a life saver as the hospital staff is wheeling me in the building.

When Sofia Rylan is born, I hold her close. I think about the idea that I am all this little person has. I have to be everything she needs. I have to be enough to make her want to be a good, intelligent, selfless human being. I hold her close and promise her that I will be.

"Excuse me... Miss Reinhart? Can I tell the man in the waiting room it's okay to come in now?"

"What?" I look at him puzzled. "Yeah that's fine." I stare at the door until I see Casey's face.

"You stayed."

"I couldn't bring myself to leave. She deserved someone waiting to meet her." He picks up Sofia's tiny hand. It curls around his finger.

"Sofia." I tell him. He looks at me and smiles.

"Hi Sofia." He coos at her. I smile at him.

"Thank you," I tell him, "for everything."

"Who's this?" I hear a familiar, condescending voice at the door of my room. Looking up at Stefano's face, I felt a lot of things. I felt disappointment, I felt worry for Sofia, but mostly, I felt fear.

"Um. Casey. This is Casey, my friend."

"Hi Casey. Thanks for taking care of my girlfriend while I was trying to get out here." He says to Casey, holding out his hand. Casey, hesitantly, shakes it.

"Well, I'll see you soon." Casey says to me. I flinch inside because I know I'll pay for that sentence. Casey starts to walk out.

"Casey wait!"

"What?" He turns around, seemingly relieved. I look at Stefano.

"Thanks again." I finish. Stefano looks at me, approvingly. He walks over to my face. I flinch without even thinking about it. He leans down to whisper in my ear.

"As soon as you get out of here, I am going to kill you. And then I'm going to take this baby," he stokes her face condescendingly, "and I'm going to give her all the shit you deserve to be getting but won't be because you'll be_ dead_." He spits at me at the word dead. I tighten my grip around Sofia.

"She's your daughter, Stefano!" I cry. I make a mental note not to mention her name to him.

"Don't feed me that shit, you lying little whore."

"She is." I've never slept anyone besides Stefano. In an instant, his hand is around my neck.

"I said, shut UP." My lips tremble, and suddenly I am the young, insecure girl Stefano took advantage of so many years ago. I look at Sofia, sleeping. She's going to want to eat soon. I wonder if the blankets are too warm around her. And then I think about her being around Stefano without me being there to protect her.

I'm in a wheelchair, getting wheeled out to Stefano's rented car with Sofia's car seat in my lap. I thank the hospital staff, and buckle in the car seat in the back of Stefano's car. I sit next to it and Stefano gets into the driver's seat. I feel like my heart and body have been separated. Because my body is here, but my heart is far away. As Stefano blasts the music and winks at girls in other cars, I lift the blanket off the car seat to peek inside. I look at the empty spot where Sofia should be buckled in, and for the first time in a long time, I can't stop it when I feel the tears fill up my eyes.


	4. Chapter 4

_Casey_

I don't know where to go, really. I just got out of the hospital. I don't know how Haley pulled this off. But here I am. I'm walking behind the building, with this tiny baby in my hands. I have two outfits, a blanket, a little stuffed giraffe, a binky, and all the diapers I could fit into my backpack. Basically, I stole this baby and all her little baby supplies.

I decide to stop at the store on my way home to get baby formula. I'm guessing we'll need some of that.

"Aww, how old is she?" A lady coos at Sofia. I'm caught off guard, almost like I don't have the right to answer questions about someone else's baby. But then I remember. Until Haley gets back, I have to pretend Sofia is mine.

"Um. Two days. We're on our way home from the hospital." I answer, nervously.

"With no formula?" The lady half jokes with me. I half laugh in return. When we walk away, I look at Sofia.

"You're going to be okay, little buddy. I promise." I let her grasp onto my finger again.

_Haley_

"Let me get it." Stefano shoves me.

"No, I have her. Don't worry about it."

"Don't fucking tell me what to worry about." He shoves me aside again, and this time I don't recuperate in time. He picks up the empty car seat and doesn't even notice. He comments about how light she is and I respond a little too quickly about how she's only a newborn. When we get to the hotel he's staying at, he throws the car seat to the floor and doesn't even check inside before approaching me. I flinch at the thought that Sofia could have been in there.

"You made a big mistake, princess." I'm looking down when he speaks to me. "Fucking look at me when I'm speaking to you." I don't move my gaze. His hand extends out and he snaps my face upwards.

"Stop…" I tell him.

"Stop? What has gotten into you? What? Your new boyfriend has made you feel entitled or something? Well let me tell you something. You are shit. It's better off without you."

"STOP calling her IT." My lips tremble as my voice rises. He slaps me across the face. I hold my cheek and listen to him laugh at my attempt to stand up for myself. I wish for two things. One, for Stefano to not notice that there hasn't been any crying from the baby. And two, for some type of hotel staff to knock at our door.

Stefano shoves two fingers in my underwear and when he gets there, I yell out in pain. He uses his spare hand to grasp it around my neck. This is his way to tell me to be quiet. I can feel myself crying, but I don't hear anything. I realize it is because it's silent tears.

When Stefano finishes, he goes in the shower. I run out the hotel doors and to the lobby. I'm almost out when an employee stops me.

"Hi. Miss? Is your name Haley?" I don't answer him. "Ah yes. Haley. I've got strict instructions to make sure you don't get anywhere. I don't know if you can understand me because you're all drugged up from getting your wisdom teeth removed, but your boyfriend is very worried about taking care of you. He told me to make sure you don't leave the building without him." I stare at him dumbfound. Tears start to well up in my eyes and I frantically start trying to explain.

"No. He's not my boyfriend. I'm here against my will. He's trying to kill me." I plead him to understand.

"Oh darling. Just sit down. I'm sure he'll be here looking for you soon."

"No. I know he will. You have to understand. He's trying to hurt me." He sits me down in the seats in the lobby. I start imagining this being the end. I pull out my phone from my pocket. I go to dial Casey's number, but I can't remember what it is. God damn it. What was it? I'm crying of frustration when I remember to look at my recent calls. I call the most recent number.

"Hello?"

"Casey? It's Haley."

"Haley! You're okay! Where are you? Sofia needs you." At these words, I physically feel something inside of me break.

"I know," I sob into the phone, "I know. I'm so sorry. I don't know. I don't know how I'm going to get out of this. I only have a minute before he finds me. Listen to me. I'm gonna call you as soon as I get out of this. Please, just keep Sofia. For as long as you have to."

"I promise."

"Thank you." I weep.

"There you are!" I hear Stefano's voice. "She thinks someone is trying to hurt her and she's in some type of horror movie," I hear him telling the employee, "thanks for looking out for her." I hear him tell Stefano it was no problem.

"Come on princess." He says loud enough for only me to hear. He takes my arm.

"You're pretty selfish, you know that right?" His voice lowers to a whisper. "Trying to escape but leaving your precious baby behind?" I freeze at the realization that he thinks the baby is still in the car seat. When we get back to the room, he kicks the seat over. "You don't really think I'm that stupid do you?"

"I-I. No. I don't." I can actually feel my chest collapse onto my heart. It feels hard to breathe.

"Where is she?" He demands.

"None of your business!" I yell.

"You wanna try that again?" He asks me. I close my mouth tighter.

I watch Stefano come at me with a knife. I think about Sofia, Casey, my parents and their house, I think about the bruises on my back. I think about the idea that I'm being held hostage in a hotel room and my baby is with a man I have met twice. I try to get him going by yelling and then I run into the small bathroom. I know this is a risk. He follows me, like I knew he would. I expected there to be shower curtains to pull down on him, but it's a shower with a glass door. I panic only briefly. I try to think fast, but all I can think to do is push him. So with all my might I push him into the shower door. He's madder than ever. I run back to the room and open up the window. I stand in front of it.

When Stefano comes charging towards me, I make the decision that changed everything about Sofia's future. When he's inches away from me, I bend my knees. And I move to the right. Stefano, like it was right out of a movie, charges right out the open window. He's half way out the window. A ten floor drop. His knees hang on to the window sill. I could push him out or I could help him back up and show him mercy. I come to my decision quickly.

_Casey_

"Hello?" I answer.

"Casey?"

"Haley! What happened? Did you get away?"

"I'm truly free for the first time in years," I can hear the smile in her voice. Where are you? I want to see my baby. How is she?"

"She's good. Have I mentioned she looks exactly like you? Where do you wanna meet?"

"Just give me your address. I'll come to you."

_Haley_

When I get to Casey's, I am the happiest girl in the world. Casey greets me at the door with Sofia in his hands. I take her into my arms.

"I'm never leaving you again," I promise her.

"So want to tell me what's going on? What happened?" Casey asks me, curious.

I look at him. I look at his face, generally worried about what was going on. This man who I barely knew who has taken care of my daughter for me when I had nobody. This man who I gave my daughter to, knowing he'll keep her safe. And suddenly I realize that the feeling I felt when he was ringing up my pay as you go phone, that felt so foreign at the time, was trust. I trusted him before even knowing him.

"He's going to be in jail for a _looooooooong_ time." I assure him and myself.


	5. Chapter 5

_Haley_

Tomorrow is Sofia's third birthday party. It's also three years since I fell in love with Casey. Casey is out buying party decorations. I'm baking the cake while Sofia watches me.

"You wanna help, baby?" Her head nods enthusiastically. I give her the spoon and an almost empty bowl to mix. Her small hands stumble around the large wooden spoon but she finds her balance. "Good job, beautiful," I tell her, smiling at her concentrated face.

I go behind her and pull her dirty blonde curls behind her head so they don't get chocolate on them.

"Are you hungry baby?" I ask her. She tells me she's not. I don't believe her. "Do you want to lick the spoon?" I try. She looks at me with eyes of excitement and opens her mouth as she brings the spoon towards it. "You're so cute," I tell her, holding her hair.

_Sofia_

Tomorrow there party for me. I know this because mommy made cake with princesses on it. She even let me lick the spoon. I love when she do that. Mommy happy today. That make me happy. Mommys sad a lot. I think its when I be bad. I try to be good so mommy happy. She tell me she love me every day. I think love a good thing because she tell daddy she love him when she happy. She tell me when she happy and sometimes when she sad.

"Mama?" I want her attention.

"Sofia?" Her say to me. That my name. Everyone call me that.

"I yuv you." This make mommy happy. Her kisses my forehead and say she love me too. I feel happy when she do that. She wash my face then pick me up. I like when she pick me up. Make me feel warm and safe. She take me to my room.

"You tired baby?" She ask me. I am tired but I don't wanna sleep because then her will leave. I shake my head no. She laugh.

"I knew you'd say that." I don't understand these words.

"You want me to put a movie in?" I don't understand but she holds a picture of Spongebob.

"Babob!" I yell. Her laugh again. Then Spongebob is on the tv. Mommy is magic. Her lay me down in my big girl bed and starts to leave. I don't want her to leave so I cry.

"What Sofia?" Her say to me. I cry til she come to me. When her close enough, I take her hand so she can't leave.

"You want me to stay with you?" Yes. Don't leave mommy.

I just hold onto her hand. She sits down next to my bed. I don't let go of her hand when my eyes start to close. I think of my cake and of being with mommy and what her smell like. She smell like things that make me happy.

_Casey_

"Shit. I have to go." I say to Monica, the bartender.

"I can't let you drive like that big boy." I suddenly am annoyed by her.

"I havetogo," I say disorientated, "my baby birthdayispartytommmmoorow" I suddenly am really tired. I decide to lay down for just a minute… my eyes close and I hear people yell that one is down. I am confused and then I am nothing.

"Casey?" I hear a familiar voice. I open my eyes and see Haley.

"Where am I?" I ask her.

"In the hospital. You overdosed. At two in the afternoon." She says to me. I blink a lot at her. "What were you doing? Casey?" My eyes drift shut again. I wait til I hear Sofia's voice tell Haley she's hungry to open my eyes again. I look around. At the door way, Monica is there.

"Monica? What are you doing here?" I ask curiously and urgently. My head is pounding.

"Just came to check on you. You knocked out pretty bad."

"You have to-" my lips are dry, "you should go."

"I know I'm leaving. But I just wanted to tell you. If you need a different way to relax besides getting drunk and high… here." She hands me a card with a phone number on it.

"Um," is all I can think to say to her, "thank you." She winks at me and leaves. I put the card under my back so Haley won't see. When she comes back in, I am ready for her.

"Case? You okay?" She says as soon as she sees my open eyes.

"Yes… I'm fine." I say, surprised she's not mad.

"Good. Then you're a fucking idiot," she yells at me, "what the fuck were you thinking? Do you have any regard for anyone but yourself? I know you need to get away sometimes. But I can't be fucking making hospital trips with my three year old daughter every time you feel stressed out. Get it together or get your stuff together." She is stern and seemingly serious.

"How can you blame this all on me?" I say, suddenly infuriated. "You don't think you drove me to this point? You don't ever want to do anything. Damn it, Haley. I love you and I love Sofia, but I can love you guys and still be young. I'm never going to get these years back and I'm not going to waste them all on taking care of a kid that isn't even mine." I watch Haley, her face falls like she's just been slapped.

"If that's really how you feel, why do you even come home?" She screams. "Come on Sofia." She takes my baby, and leaves.

_Sofia_

I went to go visit Daddy. I think him was sick. He made mommy mad. I don't like when make mommy mad. I don't know what they yell for but I think it cause of me. I heared my name when they were yelling. Maybe daddy mad I ate all the frosting. Oh no. I am so so sorry. I wonder if mommy knows I am sorry.

"I love you more than anything Sofia, you know that right?" Mommy says to me and kisses my cheek when we walking out. I want mommy to know I am sorry and I love her.

"I yuv you mama." I take my hands are squish them around her face so I can kiss her cheek. This make her laugh. Mommy has water on cheeks. This mean she has really sad. I use my palm to wipe the water off her cheek.

"You bootiful." I don't know what this means, but mommy say it to me a lot when she happy. This make her smile really big and kiss my cheek again.

"I love you so much. I would go to the end of the world to make sure nobody ever hurts you. I don't care what it takes. I don't care what I have to give up." She say to me. I don't know what this mean, so I just look at her. I put my head on her shoulder because I feeling tired.


	6. Chapter 6

_Haley_

When I get home, I start to flip through the photo albums we've filled up in the past three years. I try not to cry thinking about losing Casey. He's not a bad guy. I love him. But I love Sofia more. I'm scared of Sofia being around so much fighting. I'm scared he's going to come home drunk or high one day and hurt her. I'm just scared. And when I get scared, I tend to run. I don't want to run this time.

"Casey. You're home." I say in response to hearing the front door open.

"Thanks for leaving me at the hospital." He says, dryly.

"You didn't give me much of a choice." I say, getting mad.

"I didn't give you a CHOICE?"

"You were scaring Sofia." I say, quietly.

"I was SCARING her?" He says, getting louder. "For godsakes. I was barely even yelling. You can't shelter her from the world."

"She's THREE. What do you mean I can't shelter her? It's my JOB. And if you're going to get in the way then you can.."

"Can what? Can leave? Stop pushing me out the door. Maybe one of these days, I'll really go."

"That's not what I meant." I say, my voice softening.

"Then what DID you mean?" He says still angry.

"Stop, Casey. You're upsetting her." I try to stop him when I see Sofia standing by the doorway. She is standing like she's scared to come in.

"Hi cutie!" Casey's manner changes when he looks at Sofia. Her bottom lip quivers like she's about to cry. "We'll finish this later," he says to me. "Come on princess," Casey says to Sofia, holding out his hand for her to take. She takes it. They walk out of the room.

I flip the photo albums closed. I don't want to think about it anymore.

_Casey_

As soon as Sofia falls asleep, I leave. I don't slam the door because I don't want Sofia to wake up, but I feel like slamming the door. I head back to the bar I've been going to every day for the past month.

"The usual?" Monica asks me. I nod. "I thought you'd call before you showed up here again, at least. Usually an overdose scares people a little." Truthfully, I forgot she gave me her number in the first place.

"I just need to get away for a little. It's nothing serious."

"You say that every night."

"I know." I sigh. I think about Haley sitting alone at home with Sofia. She's probably cleaning up some room or organizing or something. She always does that. I smile a little. Then I think about her crazy psycho-ness and hate her again. "So, does that offer still stand?" I ask Monica.

"I didn't offer you anything." She says, pretending to be clueless. The way she lifts her eyebrows suddenly turns me on a lot.

"Let's go back to your house." I tell her.

"I'm working." She reminds me.

"Get someone else to work." She goes into the back, I assume to make calls. She comes back and tells me to wait 15 minutes and we can go. I think about what I'm about to do. I never thought of myself as a cheater. I really didn't. I was never that guy. I always said I never understood why people cheat. Why not just end a relationship if you don't want to be in it? But now I understand there is so much more. It's not always a clear cut decision. Sometimes you don't know if the relationship is worth it or not. Sometimes you have to do otherwise despicable things to find out. That's what I tell myself when she leads me up to her apartment.

_Sofia_

It night time, that means stay in bed and sleep. But I really not tired. If I cry that make mommy and daddy mad. I want to make them happy. I get out of my new big girl bed and walk out of my room. I a little lost and it really dark.

"Mama?" I call. Her won't yell at me. "Mama?" I try again. Her not come. I walk a little more even though it scary. I see light so I walk to it. There a door in my way. "Mama?" I try.

"Sofia?" I hear mommy's voice.

"Mama!" I say, happily. She comes and picks me up.

"What are you doing, silly girl? Why aren't you sleeping?"

"No tired. Tay wif you."

"Okay. Only for a little." She bring me to her big bed. At first I scared that I fall off. But I not scared. Mommy keep me safe.

"No yell." I tell her.

"No more yelling. I promise." Her smile at me even though she not happy today.

"Happy." I say this word slow, I don't know how it sound out of my head.

"Are you happy?" She say to me. I put my arms around her neck and hug her big.

"Yes mama." I want to tell her I am happy when I with her. I want to tell her that I want her to be happy every day. I wish mommy had a big bed and someone to make her feel safe when she not tired. I think mama deserve that.

_Haley_

I wake up next to Sofia. I smile, remembering the deal I made with her last night that she could only stay a little while. She's sound asleep. I kiss her forehead and get up. Where is Casey? Maybe downstairs. He must not have wanted to wake Sofia. I go to the bathroom connected to Casey and I's bedroom and brush my teeth. When I come back in, Sofia's awake, sitting up on the bed.

"Morning sunshine," I say to her messy blonde curls and little mermaid nightgown.

"I hungy."

"Do you want some cereal?" I ask her. She shakes her head. "How about some… waffles?" I say enthusiastically. This gets her excited. She nods her head quickly. "And do you wanna… help me make them?!" This gets her even more excited. I go over to her and pick her up to take her downstairs. "You are the cutest thing in the entire world." I walk downstairs feeling energized and happy. I make a mental promise not to fight with Casey today, no matter what. I feel very positive about this goal. When I get to the kitchen, I see Casey waiting for me. He looks tired. I put Sofia down in a chair on the island in the kitchen and put some milk in a sippy cup for her while she waits.

"We need to talk." He tells me.

"What's up?" I say to him, a little worried. Is he dying? Is a relative in the hospital?

"I- I think we need a break."

"A what?" I say to him.

"A break. From each other."

"What are you talking about?" I feel myself getting angry. I try to count to ten.

"Neither of us are happy. It's not good for Sofia. I still want to see her and stuff… it's just. I don't know. I think we need a break."

"A break? You know this isn't a game, Casey. If we take a break that's it. I'm not playing an on and off game with you. Maybe I would have done that before. Maybe I didn't have enough self-respect not to. But I have Sofia now. So if you want a break, take it. But that's it. It's over then."

"Ok."

"Okay?"

"Okay. Then I guess it's over." For the first time I look at the door, where packed suitcases line the exit.


	7. Chapter 7

_Haley_

"Casey, wait. Are you sure this is what you want?" I hate feeling like this. Like I'm begging to be loved.

"It's what we both need."

"I love you." I tell him, truthfully. He doesn't look back. I watch him go, not knowing what to feel. My entire life, I had been the one to run. I had built my life around being the victim. It had become second nature. I was the one getting hurt, and I had to figure out how to deal with that. I was the one who left when it got too hard. Never before had I been the one someone ran from.

"Yoffles?" Sofia asks me, quietly.

"Yes baby, waffles. Ready to help?!" I try to sound as happy as I can. I see her smile emerge when she nods her head. "And are ready for your party?!" I watch her face light up and fall in love with her for the 1095th time.

_Sofia_

Daddy not come to my party. I think he mad at me. I wish I could see him so I could tell him I sorry. Maybe if I said sorry he wouldn't yell at mommy anymore. Mommy cry a lot. I think it a secret though. Like the time I took cookies and hid them in my room when mommy was in the shower. I think it a secret like that. Today she crying really loud. Her wake me up. I don't be mad at her because I like to be awake when she cries so I knows. Now I know the way to mommys room even in the dark. I not even scared anymore. I can't be scared, because I hear mommy on the talkie that she scared when she talk about daddy. And mommy always make me feel better when I scared. Only one of us can be scared and now it her turn.

I walk into her room because I am gonna make her better. She looking at the wall so she don't see me. I use the desk with the light ball on it to get up to her bed. I good at this now.

"Sofia?" She sit up and wipe her eye.

"I yuv you. No cry." I tell her. I wish I could tell her more.

"I'm not crying, baby. Don't worry." She lie to me. Why? She never lie to me before.

"Daddy?" I want to ask her where he is. Why he making her cry so much.

"He's on vacation. He'll be home in a little while." She tell me. She lie again. I know this. But I don't tell her.

"No cry." I tell her, laying down next to her. I really tired.

"No cry." I hear softly as my eye close. I feel her hold my hand and kiss side of my forehead. I feel better. I think I helpd her.

_Haley_

"Hello?" I answer the phone. I'm vacuuming the living room and Sofia is sitting by me on the couch watching tv.

"Hales?" I hear Casey's voice. My heart stops in it tracks.

"Casey? What's up?" I look at Sofia. She seems uninterrupted.

"I was wondering if I could, um, stop by. I want to see Sofia. I miss her." He confesses.

"Oh yeah, of course. I'm sure she misses you too." Part of me thinks I should tell him to get on with his life and to stop confusing me and Sofia. I want to tell him we deserve more than him. But more than anything, I want to cry hearing his voice. I want to tell him I love him and to come home. But he doesn't love me. He doesn't want me.

When we hang up, I start to make his favorite meal. I just want him to be happy here. The door knocks, and I try not to run to get it.

"Hey." I say to him, hoping to elicit a conversation.

"Hey," he says disinterested. "Where's Sofia?"

"On the couch watching tv." I tell him, covering my disappointment.

"Hi lovebug!" I hear him coo to Sofia. "How are you doing?" I watch him with her and feel a sudden yearning for him. He really does treat her like his daughter. Even when we aren't speaking. How could I let him go? I should talk to him… I mean. I'm pretty sure he was going to come back no matter what.

"Casey, can we talk?" I say when he starts to walk away from Sofia.

"Yeah, I have a few minutes I guess." His dismissive response turns me off from talking, but I do it anyway.

"Why don't you come home?" I ask him.

"Haley… don't start. Please."

"Don't start what? What are you doing?"

"I think this is working really well. I think we can find each other again when we're ready."

"But I AM ready…" I try to say, holding back tears.

"Haley, please stop…"

"Do you love me still?" I ask him.

"I love you more than anything in the world." He tells me. At this response, I understand. I nod my head. He nods back before he leaves. He tells Sofia goodbye.

_Casey_

It hurts every single day I'm not with her. Being apart from her has made me remember everything I've fallen in love with her for. But I'm scared of going back with her. I'm scared of losing the love I feel right now. I'm scared of going back and taking advantage of her in my life again. I'm scared of ruining the love I feel right now. I'm scared I don't deserve her. I know she's hurting right now. But she'll get over it. She will. And she'll find someone who never takes advantage of her.

"Ready to go babe?" Monica says to me. I'm in her apartment. I've been seeing her since I moved out.

"Yup." I tell her. I told her I'd take her to the movies. We've been out either getting drunk or getting high almost every day. I stay with Monica because she's up for that, and it's the only thing that makes me forget about Haley and Sofia being alone. But anyway, Monica says she wants to tone it down. So I told her I'd take her to the movies. I've never dreaded anything more in my life. I told her to pick out whatever movie she wanted, because I truthfully don't care.

At the movies, it's like torture. Everything that happens in the movie, I imagine Haley's reaction. I really think I'm starting to get delusions… I even see her name on my phone… wait. Haley?

"Hold on Monica. I have to take this." She waves her hand dismissively, not taking her eyes off the screen. By the time I get to the lobby of the theater, I miss the call. I call her right back.

"Hello?" I hear through sniffles.

"Haley? Are you crying?"

"Casey. Come over right now. Please. It's an emergency."

"I'll be right there." I say urgently, hanging up the phone. I completely forget about Monica in the theater and run out to my car.

When I get to Haley's I don't even knock. I walk right in.

"Haley. What's going on? Where's Sofia?"

"In bed," she says crying. "We just got home. I took her to the park all day. I came home and opened my mail and-"

"And what?!" I say, instantly. I take the papers she clutching out of her hands.

"He's back." She says, trying to catch her breath. I look down to read the papers. It's a file for custody for Sofia on filed behalf of Stefano Langone. He got out of his 3-5 year prison sentence for attempted murder in 2 years for good behavior. He's suing on the grounds of Haley being an unfit mother.

"Haley, you know he has no case right? You know there's no possible way he's going to get any custody of Sofia?" She nods her head.

"He won't get any. But he never waited to be given anything. He just takes. He's back. And he's going to take whatever he wants." I bring her close to me. It feels good to hold her. Her body fits me. It has peaks and turns in all the right places. I hold her, trying to forget the fact that eventually, I'll have to let her go again.


	8. Chapter 8

_Haley_

I start packing my bags immediately. I don't know where, but I know I have to get out of here. I know I don't have a minute to spare, because Stefano works fast.

"Let me come with you." Casey pleads.

"I think it's better for me to go alone." I want him to come more than anything. But neither I nor Sofia is in a place where we can get hurt again. My heart hurts a little when I think about the fact that I'm leaving him behind. When I realize I can't trust him anymore. And maybe, I don't love him. I just don't know. All I know is Stefano made me realize the most important thing right now aren't my feelings, it's Sofia's safety. Is it illegal to leave the state or country when Stefano started a custody battle? And then it hits me. Stefano never wanted custody of Sofia. He knew he would never get it. He only put it in motion to stop us from moving. Well hell with him. Tonight, he can hit the wall. I'll change our names. I'll start all over. I did it once, I can do it again. Sofia will adapt. I just have to make a quick stop at the bank to withdraw all the cash I can get and…

"Haley slow down. You're moving too fast." Casey tries to calm me down.

"Too fast?! There is no too fast." I exclaim, still moving feverishly.

"Just relax. We can figure it out," He pleads. "Let me protect you."

"I don't trust you anymore." I say, tears filling up my eyes at having to say this out loud.

"Don't take Sofia from me. Don't run away from me." I have never seen Casey cry before.

"I- I'm sorry." I look down, because I can't look in his once clear blue eyes, now clouded with regret. I did this to him.

_Stefano_

I found Haley's apartment pretty easily. I was expecting a harder search. I thought she'd change her name or something. I guess not. She's always been a little oblivious to the world. I think about this time about four years ago.

_"Stefano, please stop." Haley cries. I'm so fucking angry I want to kill her. I know she's cheating on me. I took her on a date to a fancy restaurant and I saw her making gooey eyes at our waiter the whole fucking night. I'm sure they've slept together at some point already. I really don't care what she wants at this point. She deserves whatever she gets. "Stefano, stop. I don't wanna." I'm standing over her, naked. She still has her clothes on. She's wearing white washed jeans, a blue tank top and a grey sweater. I unzip her sweater angrily. I shove my dick in her mouth, but she doesn't do anything. This makes me angrier._

_ "Suck, you dumb bitch." She doesn't do anything. I get up and walk over to the dresser and pick up a glass picture frame of the two of us. I throw it at her face. I miss and hit her stomach since she's lying down. It shatters on her body. She starts to bleed when one of the shards get stuck in her abdomen. She cries out in pain and curls up. You deserve it you little whore. I go back over and try again. This time she does what I say. I take off her clothes. I force myself inside her. I can hear her crying, which annoys me even more. _

_ "Pull out… please." She cries. I pull out every time, because I hate condoms. I would never wear one. If I mess up she can get a damn abortion. I always pull out in time though. But just because she fucking told me to, I'm going to make her pay for that. _

This memory floods my head a thousand times over. I remember this night so clearly. I was so angry at her. And for what? For being pretty? Because our waiter looked at her the wrong way? I was so convinced she was cheating on me. Now I know this is the night my daughter was conceived. My daughter. I brought a baby into this world with aggression and anger and fear. No one deserves to come into the world like that. And when she was born… I wanted to hurt her. But Haley risked her life to save her. Every memory I have of Haley is of me hurting her. I get to her apartment. I get her apartment number pretty easily, I'm used to lying. I knock on her door.

"Who is it?"

"Please just let me say what I need to say. You don't have to open the door." I can almost hear her body tense. I hear her whisper something to someone in there about taking Sofia upstairs. Sofia. My daughter. It feels good to be able to put a name to her.

"Go away." I hear Haley's voice yell through the door. "I'll call the police."

"Just give me a minute, Haley. Please. I swear, I don't want to hurt you. Or anyone. I want to apologize. I had to go to all sorts of classes in jail, including anger management. I swear I'm a completely different person now. I want to tell you I'm sorry. No one deserves the kind of scars you have because of me," I try not to get choked up. "I just wanted you to know I'm out of jail but I'm still living with it every day. And my custody battle wasn't some master plan like I'm sure you think it was. I really want custody of my baby. I want to be able to see her."

"You know you don't have a chance, right? I filed charges for domestic abuse three years ago. That's recorded. You have no chance." This voice is not Haley's. It is not fragile or scared. It is strong and determined. This isn't the voice of a victim anymore; it's the voice of a survivor. I want to tell her this. But I know it will mean nothing coming from me.

"I'm going to leave now. Bye Haley." I tell her. She doesn't respond.

_Haley_

I'm shaking harder than I have in years. I felt myself regress to the 16 year old girl desperate to be loved when I met him. I do my best to hide it from him when I yell through the door. I want more than anything to curl up in Casey's arms and have him play with my hair and tell me Stefano has no shot and be safe. I want to kiss him and hug him for never making me feel the powerlessness I feel when I even think about Stefano.

"Haley," Casey approaches me. "Let me stay tonight." I look at him. I'm desperate for him to stay.

"You should… you should go." I tell him. "I'm sorry."

"I won't give up on you, Haley Reinhart. I will earn your trust back. I will get you to fall in love with me again."

"You can't fall in love with the same person twice." I tell him. Then I think of Sofia. I have fallen in love with her every day since the day she was born.

"I can change all the rules." His words float out his mouth, a straight line turned upwards.


	9. Chapter 9

_Haley_

I know it may sound pathetic, but I kinda was hoping Casey would prove me wrong. It's been a month though, and we've made good progress as friends. We talk almost every day, but it's usually only about Sofia. I don't feel much sadness or anything. I focus all my energy on Sofia nowadays. I know she's only three, but I really think she knows what's going on. I try to distract her as much as I can. I guess I hoped that if I distract her for a long enough time, she'll forget what I'm trying to distract her from.

_Sofia_

"What do you wanna wear today?" Mommy always ask me what I wanna wear now. I guess she thinks it make me happy. I go over to my draws and pick out my favorite dress. It's pink and it has a big yellow flower on it. "You can't wear that every day, silly girl." She says to me, and laughs. She's wrong. I didn't wear yesterday. I let my bottom lip fall out and scrunch my eyebrows. She lets me wear it.

"Do you wanna go to the amusement park today Sofia? Or the beach? Anywhere you want." I just nod my head at her. "Say something, baby." She begs me with a sigh. I don't like talking anymore. I still know how though. I just don't like to. I think I say the wrong thing when I talk. I think it's the reason mommy used to cry all the time and daddy left. I don't know what I said that was wrong, that's why I don't like to talk very much at all anymore.

"Sofia, talk to mommy. Whatever's wrong, it's okay. I can't help you if you don't tell me why you're sad." I shake my head. I don't understand exactly what she's saying, but I know she wants me to talk. She doesn't know what will happen if I do. I don't want to hurt my mommy anymore. "If you don't talk to me soon, I'm gonna have to take you to the doctors. Do you wanna go there?" I shake my head. "Tell me why you don't wanna talk." I wish I could tell her how much I love her. I wish I could tell her that it's my fault and I'm gonna make it better. Why does she love me when I made her so sad? I decide to hug her, that's the best way I know how to tell her. This makes mommy sad, I can see the water on her cheeks. I made her sad again.

"I love you, my baby. You don't have to talk until you're ready. You're a smart girl. You'll know when you're ready."

_Haley_

"Hello?"

"Hey Casey. It's me."

"Hey, what's up? How's Sofia?"

"Still not talking. I'm really worried. She's barely said two words in weeks."

"She'll come around. Don't worry about it."

"I don't know Case. I can't help but worry for her."

"Hey what are you doing tonight?"

"I'll be home with Sofia. Why?"

"Let me take you out. Just as friends. Just to get your mind off everything. I'll pay for a babysitter."

"I don't know…"

"Come on Hals. You deserve a night off."

"I guess so," I say hesitantly.

"I'll tell the babysitter seven."

As soon as we hang up, I go tell Sofia I'm going to go out with daddy tonight. She looks interested in this, but she still says nothing. I sigh.

I don't think there's any feeling worse than knowing the person you love the most needs a superhero, but you can't save them. I don't think it gets much worse than being forced to watch a person drown in their own selves.

"Wanna help me do my hair and makeup?" She nods, unable to hide her excitement. When she finishes, my hair has about 37 clips with butterflies in it and I have blue shadow up to my eyebrows. "Maybe not too much makeup," I tell her, using a tissue to wipe my eyes. This makes her laugh.

"You yook bootiful," she says unexpectedly, when she sits beside me and I finish up her work. Her little voice takes me by surprise, and I suddenly realize how much I missed it.

"Aw, thank you baby." I say, reaching to give her a kiss. "I missed your voice." I hope she will say more, but she stops. I feel a pang of sadness. I suddenly wish I had recorded every time she spoke before, now that I don't know the next time she will. I'm still thinking about how I can hear her voice again when the door rings. When the babysitter gets here, I tell her that Sofia will be fine just watching tv for an hour and goes to bed at around 8. The doorbell rings again. "That's daddy. Wanna come get the door with me?" I reach out my hand and she takes it. Casey stands at the door in a grey suit with a bouquet of flowers. I look down at my casual white dress with blue flowers on it and feel underdressed.

"Should I change?" I ask.

"You look perfect." He says, handing me the flowers. I can't help but smile when I take them to put in a vase.

"You're dumb." I tell him.

"Ready?" He says smiling.

"Okay, let's go."

"I have to say, I wasn't expecting this." I tell Casey.

"What did you think? I'll pull out some corny date classic or something? I would never."

"Excuse me, I never told you I'd go on a date with you."

Secretly, I'm pleased with how well Casey knows me. I thought some corny dinner or picnic or something like that. But he took me to this cool jazzy club. We've spent the night just having fun and enjoying the music. Maybe he can change all the rules.

Just when I think the night is over, Casey leads me out front to a horse and carriage.

"Casey! You said you would never!"

"I don't recall ever saying that." He says, faking cluelessness. I hit him on his arm. I let him taking my hand and lead me to the carriage.

"Haley, I just want to tell you something."

"Yes?"

"I just want you to know. I want you to know, I am absolutely in love with you. I have been since the day I met you. I love every part of you. I love every inch of your body, every tiny freckle. I love every part of your soul, down to the very core. I love you irrevocably and irresponsibly. And I just want you to know, if you never decide to give me a chance, I don't care. It will never change the way I feel about you. I will be in love with you until the day I die." He leans in to kiss me. I start to lean in and close my eyes.

"Casey… stop. Not right now." I come back to reality before I reach his mouth.

"Why not?" He says, his eyes still closed.

"I can't do this again… I just don't know if I feel the same about you right now. And I don't want to confuse things with… with this."

Casey walks me back up to my apartment. At the front door is a package, wrapped in red, my favorite color.

"Was this you?" I ask Casey. He shrugs and shakes his head. I open my front door with the unopened package in hand.

"Thanks for tonight." I tell Casey, who is still in the hallway. He nods.

"No problem," he says clearly expecting me to have invited him in.

"It really made me feel better. It was good to get my mind off everything. So thanks again." I say, kissing him on the cheek. He tells me he'll call me tomorrow and walks down the hallway to the stairs. I close the door and start look at the package.

Dear Haley,

I know I don't deserve even the time of your life it will take to read this. So I thank you. I just wanted to let you know I'm sorry and still living with it every day and I still love you with every fiber of my being. And I always will. I know these are your favorite. –Stefano.

The red wrapping paper is concealing a box of dark chocolates. I immediately throw the chocolate and card in the trash next to me. Then against all of my better judgment, I pick the card up out of the trash and put it in the kitchen drawer with all the other random things I should really get rid of.


	10. Chapter 10

_Haley_

"Sofia, what do you think?" I sigh hopelessly. She just looks at me. She hasn't spoken still. So much of me longs for her soft voice, but I have to believe she'll talk when she feels safe again. It's my fault for not providing that environment for her; it's not fair to punish her for my failures.

The doorbell rings, and surprises me. I assume it's Casey, I fear it could be Stefano. I get up slowly, prolonging finding out. It's funny how when we are scared, we tend to try and avoid it instead of coming face to face with what we're petrified of. Even when we know it's inevitable, when we know there's no choice, the next thing we try is elongating getting there. Why? Still, my feet move slowly.

"Who is it?" I ask.

"Me." Casey's voice responds. Relief floods through my body. I realize how that fear of Stefano will never truly go anywhere. Even when I don't think about it, it's there.

"Hey Case. What's up?" I look at him, my eyes suddenly catching on his. Suddenly, I feel nervous.

"Just came to say hey. And to clear the air. You know, make sure nothing is weird between us. I mean, after last night. Listen, I know I threw a lot on you, so I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said what I did."

"That- that you love me?"

"Um. Yeah. That." He says, his hand on the back of his neck. I wish I could get him to look at me.

"Why shouldn't you have said it?"

"I don't know. I just shouldn't have. I didn't mean it."

"You… didn't?" I say, trying to hide the disappointment that I didn't know I'd be feeling so much of.

"No. I did. Well no, I didn't. I don't know Haley. This shit sucks. I don't know anything."

"How do you not know? Don't make it complicated. Just tell me. Do you love me?"

"Of course I love you. I always have. But I just don't know if that's enough."

"How can love not be enough? Love is the greatest force in the world. There is nothing out there more than love. If love isn't enough, nothing will ever be enough." I say, holding back tears.

"Don't cry. Please don't cry. Haley, you know there's more to it than that. I want you more than anything…"

"But," I pause to let him to tell me there are no buts. "But, you don't want the responsibility. You don't want Sofia." Saying these words make it too real; suddenly I feel myself crumbling, my face in my hands, my body falling into his. He holds me, and I fall apart into him. "Don't let me break." I say quiet enough so he won't hear.

"I want Sofia. I want all of this. You have to believe I do," Casey is stopped mid-sentence by the doorbell. "Who's that?" He asks.

"I- I don't know." I get up to walk to the door, thinking about Stefano's reaction to seeing Casey. Will he get angry with me? I'm scared of what he can do. "Wh-who is it?" I ask, unsurprised and yet still disappointed at Stefano's voice.

"Hey Haley. Please let me in. I know it seems dumb, and if I were you, I probably wouldn't let me in. But you have to know I won't hurt you. I just need to talk to you. And I feel like I can't do it through a door. Please let me in."

"No."

"Please. I know I don't deserve it, but you have to trust me. I won't hurt you." Part of me knows I should slam the door, but a bigger part of me is stopped in my tracks by his voice. No matter what we go through, a part of me belongs to him. I love him, and as much as I hate him, I wouldn't take it back. Besides Sofia, I think I needed him to show me what I deserve out of life. And suddenly, I see it all in clarity. Stefano is my clarity. I deserve Sofia, I deserve safety, I deserve happiness, I deserve Casey. I open the door, suddenly unafraid for the first time in a long time.

"What?"

"Haley." He says, taking me in.

"You have two minutes before this door closes. So talk fast."

"Haley, I just want you to know I don't sleep at night. I barely eat. Every day that goes by I'm miserable because I force myself to relive every time I ever hurt you. I live in agony. And I realized it's because I love you much, so deeply. I don't think I will ever love again. Not the way I love you, at least. You're courage to stand up to me forced me to get help and I'm a better man for it. I owe you everything. And I don't know… I'm in love with you. I want another chance with you. I want to show I'm more than I used to be."

"Are you finished?"

"Uh. What? Yes." He says, not hiding his surprise at my response.

"Thanks for stopping by."

"What? Aren't you going to say anything back to everything I just said?"

"Stefano," I laugh. "I'm sorry but, you're talking out of your ass. As much as I want to believe you, lord knows I want to believe you, we both know I can't. You can't even believe what you're saying. Thank you for my daughter. Thank you for my strength. Thank you for forcing me to know the true beauty of life by making me fight for mine for years. Maybe even a part of me still loves you, maybe I always will, but I don't care about you. I don't trust you. I don't want anything to do with you. I would say sorry, but I'm not. I'm not sorry for the strength I have because of what you did. And if you're done, I really just would appreciate if you didn't come back here."

"This is not fucking over. I will fight for my goddamn daughter. MY daughter. Mine."

"Okay." I say, closing the door. I return to where Casey stands in my kitchen. "Sorry. I mean, about that.'

"You are amazing." He says and stops.

"Thanks." I can't stop the color from filling my cheeks. "Um, what where we talking about?" He doesn't resume the conversation though. His lips are soft. Even full of desire, he is gentle. "I won't break," I tell him. And for the first time in months, I feel his love. Every part of him fills me up.

My favorite love story is of Orpheus and Eurydice. Eurydice was running from some guy Aristaeus and tripped and fell and got bit by snakes and died. Orpheus was so broken over losing his love, he started singing sad songs and made all the gods weep. He softened the heart of Hades, so Hades made a deal with him. He could have his Eurydice back but when they left the underworld, they couldn't look back until they were back in the upper world. Well Orpheus made it, and forgot Eurydice was still climbing so he looked back. So he lost his love again, but this time was for good. This story is my favorite for a simple reason. There is no perfect ending. It shows the tragedy that can happen when you let down your wall and let someone in. But it also shows the power that comes from just truly feeling love with every ounce of your being. Orpheus, just by his love, softened the heart of Hades. The only person in all of mythology to have ever done that. So, it's true, sometimes it doesn't work out. Sometimes love isn't enough. But sometimes, it is. Sometimes it can change the world. Or maybe, just the part you need it to.

There are a lot of things I learned about love and how it works. I've known discontent, disappointment, and hate; I've known infatuation, passion, and devotion. I've known what it's like to hate someone so much that with every fiber of your being you wish to hurt them. I've known what it's like to love someone so much that you would walk to the ends of the earth if it somehow brought a smile to their face. I've heard in order to hate someone; you've had to have loved them first. I've found it to be false. The product of love will never be hate.


End file.
